The holidays can be a sad and confusing time for many, especially a child in foster care. We’ve come up with six ways you can help to bring a little extra holiday cheer and create some new memories.
#1 – Share Traditions
Learn what makes the holidays special to the members of your household. It may be a familiar food or the preparing of it. Or it could be a decoration that’s meaningful, such as a nativity or tree angel. It might be a ritual such as exchanging a gift on Christmas Eve or hot cocoa in pajamas before bed.
Share your own family traditions. Integrating all these traditions will create new memories and make everyone feel included as part of the family.
Just talking about these things can help to acknowledge feelings and make everyone feel valued.
#2 – Focus on Giving
We’ve all heard these sayings: “Money doesn’t buy happiness” and “Giving is better than receiving.”
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure helps. Like any child, a foster kid needs a little moola to be able to purchase small gifts for their new family, as well as their bio family if they’ll be in contact. Make sure to allow a little extra in the budget to help kids take part in the joy of giving.
Allow time in the schedule as well, because they’ll also need a ride to the store and some guidance with budget and gift selection. Your local dollar store can be a fantastic source with just a little creative thinking. (A cute mug filled with candy = $2 for example.)
Receiving gifts may be difficult for a child unaccustomed to receiving them, especially if they are feeling guilting about being away from their bio family. Allowing them the privilege of giving helps to balance things.
#3 – Do Holiday Crafts.
There are many scientifically solid reasons to introduce arts and crafts to children.
- Improves coordination and fine motor skills
- Improves visual processing
- Assists with impulse control and focus
- Allows for self-expression
- Encourages creativity
- It’s a terrific self-esteem builder.
But best of all, you’ll be building new, happy memories and a special bond.
“There’s promising evidence coming out to support what a lot of crafters have known anecdotally for quite some time,” says Catherine Carey Levisay, a clinical neuropsychologist and wife of Craftsy.com CEO John Levisay. “And that’s that creating — whether it be through art, music, cooking, quilting, sewing, drawing, photography (or) cake decorating — is beneficial to us in a number of important ways.” [CNN.com]
#4 – Work Together
Let the children help in the food preparation. As with crafting, cooking is a wonderful bonding time and often brings a child’s guard down, allowing for open, heart to heart conversation.
Use teamwork every chance you get. Kids can help decorate the tree, pick out the wrapping paper, wrap gifts, and even do some extra chores in preparation for guests.
By sharing the duties and responsibilities at home, kids learn that they are an integral part of the family unit.
#5 – Enjoy the Sights and Sounds
During the holiday season, the world comes alive with bright lights, festive decorations, and joyful music. Find out what’s happening in your town and check it out.
•Look for lighting ceremonies, Santa visits, special church services, etc.
•Go caroling in your neighborhood or an elderly care facility.
•Build a snowman, and make snow angels.
•Look for tree-lighting ceremonies and special church services.
•Take pictures with Santa.
Many cities have a neighborhood that takes the decorating to new levels. Load up the car and take a leisurely drive to look at all the Christmas lights.
#6 – Make space for peace
The holidays can be hectic and chaotic, noisy and confusing. Consider creating a “Quiet Corner” where an overwhelmed family member can take a breather.
Some suggested elements might be:
•A cozy love seat or oversized chair with extra pillows and a warm blanket
•Coloring sheets with a holiday theme and a tub of crayons
•Sensory toys such as a soft kneading dough (non-toxic and easy clean-up)
•iPod or tape player with headphones. Provide some appropriate music selections and storybooks on tape
•Picture books
•Stuffed animals
•Activity toys that allow for deep concentration
◦ This is a free-will area and should never be used as a “time out” punishment.
A Few Last Thoughts
•You set the tone for the family, so try to relax and stay calm. If momma gets cranky, the whole family will feel unsettled.
•Take lots of pictures! Make extra copies and create a memory album for your kids to take with them when they leave your home someday.
•Reach out to loved ones you haven’t talked to in a while, especially any foster children that have moved on.
•Manage expectations. For tips on this read our recent blog [managing expectations]
Have a Very Cheery Holiday Season!
Avant-Garde Foster Family Agency is a non-profit agency serving the needs of children in the foster care system. We offer a family environment of caring workers who are dedicated to the welfare of the youth and support of those who have made the important decision to become a Resource/Foster Parent.
Article written by Cindy White Horvath. She can be reached at cindy@avgffa.org
