…For Birth Moms from Foster Kids
Already your thoughts are weighing heavy with the realization that Mother’s Day is just over the horizon. It can be a difficult time for a child living in foster care to feel “normal” when the school projects and advertisements keep throwing it in their face that they aren’t living with their mom.
A foster child is understandably torn between loyalties and affection for their birth parents and foster family. As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to guide them through this time with understanding and creativity.
While every situation is different, the reality is that bio mom gave birth to that child you love. Without her, they would not exist. And the sad likelihood is, her heart is as broken as her life. With compassion and encouragement, you can be an agent for healing.
Here are some ideas for Mother’s Day gifts you can bless your foster child’s mom with this year.
Photographs
Even with strained relationships, you can honor and acknowledge the birth mom with a photo book or framed pictures of her child. Seeing the sweet face of her estranged child may be what she needs to lift herself up and follow her plan for reunification. 
Make it extra special for your kiddo by doing a planned photo shoot just for mom. Let the child choose the outfits, locations, poses, and expressions. Let it be his or her gift to mom.
Most drug stores have a photo department where you can simply download your images right from your phone and have them printed while you wait.
Jewelry
A simple necklace with the child’s birthstone, initial, or a charm makes a timeless and lovely gift. Retail stores will make it easy for you to find just the right piece to honor mom.
Or you may want to allow the child to craft the necklace. A visit to your local craft store will offer many creative options. What better way to engage the child in showing their love to mom. And with your help, the child will feel supported and free from any guilty feelings of disloyalty. And in the end, birth mom will have a very special keepsake.
Stuffed Animal
The retail chain Build-a-Bear offers patrons many animals to choose from. The child can choose and stuff the creation, add a heart in a little ceremony, and “bring it to life” there in the store. Let them pick an animal they think is perfect for mommy, and if your budget allows, they can dress it up in an outfit of choice.
For a small additional fee, there’s an option for adding a voice recording inside the animal. Your foster child can record a message for mom, allowing her to hear her child’s voice with a squeeze of a paw.
Hand-painted ceramics
There are home kits and retail outlets where you can paint a ceramic piece of choice. What mom doesn’t want to capture her child’s childhood with a little handprint? Or maybe she’s into elephants or fairies, or perhaps a mug with the child’s painted handprint would be just the thing.
These items can be nicknacks or useful, everyday items. Either way, mom will know she’s loved.
Encouraging Quotes
We all need some encouragement now and then. Consider gifting birth mom a wall hanging or useful item with uplifting words of encouragement on it.
Let her know you are on her side, that you believe in her and want her to succeed. Acknowledge that you understand what she’s going through is hard.
Whether store-bought or homemade, inspirational quotes (easy to find with a Google search) remind us that there’s hope if we just keep going. Give her something that will daily remind her that she’s got something worth fighting for and a team cheering her on. Tell her, “You Got This!”
Personalized Items
It’s now possible to put a photo on just about anything. From pillows and blankets, mugs and dishes, shirts and purses, you name it, they can put a face on it.
A simple google search or a visit to Pinterest will give you ample ideas and resources for creating a one-of-a-kind, personalized gift for mom. Many of these items are available through the photo department of your local drug store.
Handcrafted Items
Throughout this article, we’ve given suggestions for store-bought gifts that can also me homemade. But there are so many craft ideas out there for Mother’s Day, that you’ll have no trouble finding something perfect for your child, budget, and situation.
The important thing is to make an effort to show kindness and compassion toward your foster child and birth mom. By working with the child to choose and craft a gift, you remove the loyalty struggle for the child and demonstrate a healthy attitude.
Hopefully, we’ve given you plenty of ideas to get your juices flowing. Every situation is different, and relationships and accessibility may not allow for personal contact with the birth mother. Ask your social worker to assist with any questions or concerns.
Let your heart guide your decisions with compassion and wisdom.
If you need advice or support from your social worker, please reach out. At Avant-Garde, our social workers are here to support your success in fostering.
Article written by Cindy White Horvath. She can be reached at cindy@avgffa.org
