A Painful Reminder.
Just as with Mother’s Day, Father’s day can be a difficult time for foster youth. With the flood of advertisements, school craft projects, greeting cards, and special events, it’s pretty hard to ignore. And for the child without a biological father in their life, it can be a sad reminder and a pain-in-the-heart.
Talk About It.
To lessen the difficulty of the day, talk to your foster youth and determine how they feel about it. Make choices based on your unique situation. What’s appropriate for one family may not be for another.
Does your foster youth want to see their bio dad? Do they want to send a card, make a gift, or avoid them all together? Do they even have a choice?
♦If the birth dad is accessible and the child wants to acknowledge him, determine an appropriate gift. This could be a hand-made card and a simple craft. An older child may want to spend some quality time and buy a nice gift.
♦Photos of the child are always a welcome gift, especially if there’s not much contact possible with dad. Many practical items can be made with a child’s photo imprinted on it.
♦For a less personal Father’s Day, use this as an opportunity to acknowledge all the men who dedicate their time and energy to loving and caring for kids. Include coaches, teachers, grandparents, and other positive male leaders. Include a message of appreciation for their impact on the child’s life.
♦For some children it might be best to find a pleasant distraction. Make it fun for the kiddos. Go to dinner at their favorite restaurant and go bowling. Or enjoy a family game night or plan a camping weekend.
It’ll be hard to ignore, so take the time to talk about it if they’re open and find the best solution for your unique circumstances. Homes with multiple children will require a more creative approach to be sure no one is feeling singled out.
Don’t Forget Foster Dad.
Foster dads deserve to be celebrated. They’ve picked up the slack and chose to be a dad when they didn’t have to.
Every good foster parent understands they are not a replacement for the birth parents but are filling a need in the child’s life during a difficult time.
Celebrating Father’s Day doesn’t have to be a betrayal of the child’s natural father. If there seems to be a conflict for the child to celebrate two dads, try celebrating Foster Father’s Day in conjunction.
As a foster parent, you’ve already learned to be resourceful and creative. Thank you for carefully handling the hearts of children in foster care.
Article written by Cindy White Horvath. She can be reached at cindy@avgffa.org
