Preparing Your Foster Youth For Adulthood

April 10, 2019

“They grow up so fast.”

We’ve all seen it — the baby becomes a toddler, the toddler goes off to school, the child develops into a young adult, then *POOF* – your baby stands before you — an adult.

But in foster care, you may only have the “baby” for a short season of time. And if they came into your care as an adolescent, you don’t have much time to make a real difference in their life.

So, what can you do to make sure that you’re launching a competent adult into the world? Here are a few things the Department of Social Services suggests are areas to focus on, with some additions of our own.

Teach Them to Cook

Being able to feed one’s self is a critical skill for survival. Knowing how to cook well is a real plus. There’s more to cooking than microwaving store-bought mac-n-cheese (not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

Teach them:

how and where to shop for food and find the best value
how to read labels and expiration dates
how to store food properly to avoid illness
how to use kitchen appliances and tools for convenience and safety
how to wash dishes and clean up after themselves
where to find and how to read a recipe
how to prepare and serve a balanced, healthy meal

If your teen knows how to prepare at least five good meals, they will be able to successfully nurture themselves while avoiding illness. And a good cook may have better job opportunities as well as bring great value to a future life partner.

Teach Them About Money

For many youth, handling money is a foreign concept. Perhaps they’ve never had any money to manage. As they go out into the world and get a job, it’s critical they know what to do with the money they earn. Financial mistakes at this point in life can create a real set-back.

Teach them:

how to read a paycheck stub
how to create a realistic budget and stick to it
how to open a checking and savings account
how to write a check and balance a checkbook
the importance of saving up for purchases and avoiding debt
the value of a money, doing the math, and spending wisely

Knowing the value of money is very important, but make sure you also communicate to your youth their own value. Encourage them to see the value of time traded for dollars. Give them a vision for the future to encourage them to work hard and save.

Teach Them About Healthy Relationships

If a child has had poor role models, they may not know how to relate to others appropriately. Foster youth may have learned to use tactics like manipulation, emotional blackmail, or even threats to get what they want.

Teach them:

good manners
respect for themselves and others, particularly the opposite sex
the importance of healthy friendships
how to recognize warning signs of abusive or dysfunctional relationships
how to communicate effectively by phone, in person, and in a group setting
how to set healthy boundaries and respect other’s boundaries
about safe sex and the consequences of sex, such as disease and pregnancy
where to find a supportive community, such as sports teams or church
how to have good, healthy fun and a sense of humor

Relationship skills are important in every aspect of life — from home, to school, to work, and beyond. How a young person sees him or herself has the greatest impact on how they treat others and allow others to treat them. Therefore, instilling a strong sense of self-worth into your teen is the best gift you can give them.

Teach Them A Good Work Ethic

If a young person enters the work place with a sense of entitlement or a lazy attitude, they won’t last at a job. A good work ethic starts long before a child goes to work. It begins at home and at school.

Teach them:

to make their bed every day
to clean up after themselves
to take care of their things, including how to mend clothing
the importance of team work at home and elsewhere
the importance of finishing what they start
to be punctual
to be respectful of other people’s work and time
to seek out and be grateful for opportunities

Employers are finding it harder every day to find good workers. A young adult with a strong work ethic will be a valuable asset to any workplace. Valuable workers are the ones that get rewarded with compensation and advancement.

Teach Them Basic Survival Skills

Navigating this world can be a daunting task. Therefore, the more your youth knows, the more he or she can go out in confidence to conquer adult life. Fear of the unknown may hold them back from accomplishing all they can. But if they are well equipped, they can proceed with courage.

Teach them:

how to navigate the public transportation system
how to drive safely and pass the driver’s license exam
how and where to get important documents
where to locate businesses, government buildings, and hospitals
how to get a library card and use the library
how to handle emergencies and basic first aid
how to make minor repairs using basic tools

These basic survival skills will give your youth the confidence they need to feel secure in their own abilities. Sure, it make take a lot of your time and effort now, but in the long run, they will become self-sufficient. And really, isn’t that the goal?

Teach Them Self Care

You can care for your foster kids as long as they are in your care, but the day will come that they must move on. One of the most loving things you can teach a child is to care for themselves well. Some youth have learned unhealthy coping skills to comfort themselves, but you have the opportunity to teach new skills.

Teach them:

good personal hygiene
how to journal
how to self-sooth
how to change the dialog in their head to positive self-talk
to explore interests such as art, music, or sports
healthy habits such as eating right and getting enough sleep
to find their own style with appropriate clothing, hair and makeup
to set and protect their boundaries

We all need healthy ways to handle stress, and youth in transition to adulthood are prime candidates for stress. Share your best techniques and some of ours here to help young people cope with this new unfolding life.

Time Is Running Out

If you foster a teenager, you only have a brief window of opportunity to make a lasting impact on the rest of their life. It can be hard to send your kids out into the world, but knowing they are well equipped will give you peace of mind. There’s nothing better than watching someone you love living their best life.

Remember, the best way to teach is to demonstrate these attributes in your own life.

If you are open to fostering a teen, or know someone who is, please call 951-735-5300 for a private orientation. The foster care crisis is great, but it’s greatest among teens.